The War Within

If you are anything like me you have times when you face intense intrapersonal conflict.  Times when your soul is battling between two (maybe more) ideas that seem to both be justified or pleasing to your soul.  Sometimes one of those ideas is clearly wrong, but we want to do it anyway.  Sometimes it is difficult to differentiate which one is the path to take.  

I've been facing one of these intrapersonal conflicts lately.  Having started on my doctoral program, I've been busy with huge amounts of reading, combined with the busy schedule of school activities and a home life filled with my husband and three kids.  My spirit has been torn because I'm trying to do it all.  Have I mentioned that pride is one of my biggest downfalls and sin issues?  I know that it is part of God's plan for me to be working on my Doctorate, but I also know the importance of maintaining my biblical duties as the mother and wife in our home.  

I've been beating myself up because I can't physically do all the things that I've got on my plate.  I am so fortunate to have a wonderful husband who has stepped up and sees the validity of my personal goal as part of God's plan for our family.  He is willing to fill the gap and to help out more at home as I have for him for so many years.  And while he was saying this over and over, I refused to listen to him and continued to beat myself up for not doing it all.  Why was I doing this??? The fact that I realized what I was doing frustrated me even more.

Then I remembered one of my favorite authors in the Bible, Paul.  He was always straight forward and said what needed to be said.  He continually struggled with this type of intrapersonal conflict and mentioned it frequently.  Romans 7 is filled with a description of his struggle with sin.  We all do this.  If you can't think of something right now that you struggle with, I would encourage you to be a little more reflective because no one is perfect.  

Check out vs. 15  "I do not understand what I do.  For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." and vs 22-23 "For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members."

Paul gets me!  He understands how frustrating it is to be conflicted in my spirit!

Here's the awesome part.  He didn't stop at chapter 7 and just wallow in self-pity.  Chapter 8 is filled with encouragement about life in the Spirit and following God's plan.  We are his children.

Check out vs. 14-15 "because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.  For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear but you received the Spirit of sonship.  And by him we cry, 'Abba, Father.' " and vs 28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

I am so thankful that Paul didn't give up and that he kept on writing.  I needed that word of encouragement tonight.  If you are anything like me and are facing a personal soul conflict, go read Romans 7-8.  It will bless your day and let you know you aren't alone.